third time’s a charm?

Today I’m chilling.

I’m seated crosslegged on a public bench, taking in the last bits of summer. It’s not too hot, it’s not too humid, the breeze is singing in my ear, as are Adam Levine and Cardi B. The air smells like flowers and contentment, like freedom. The lady on the bench next to me is reading a book called The Home Place, which is quite the description for how I feel now. At home in my skin, more at peace with myself than I have felt in a long time. Not being stressed by anything or anyone, just…chill. It’s a nice place to be.

School started this week. I’m a junior now, more than half way in. I’m approaching this year differently, maybe because it’s my third time on this rodeo, maybe because I’ve grown and changed a lot since I arrived in this country two years ago, wide-eyed and innocent. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone but myself. I know my abilities, and I know my limitations, but I also know there’s no need for either to stop me from living daringly. I’m getting pretty good at the intentional stuff – how I spend my time, and who I spend it with. I’ve made mistakes, and I’ll probably make more. And for the first time, my perfectionist self is okay with that. Because that’s how I learn. That’s how I grow.

I’m putting out more of my dreams into the universe this year. I’m no longer scared into inaction by the unknown. I don’t know where this year will take me, but I hope it’s rewarding. I hope it’s joyous. I hope I understand myself more. I hope I continue recognizing what I deserve. I hope I do better by myself. And I hope it’s kind to me. I hope it’s gentle. I hope it’s always full of light.

And I hope yours is full of light too.

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